Are you going through a separation or divorce with children?
After you and the other parent decide to separate, you may feel overwhelmed about what to do next. You may have many questions and concerns about parenting arrangements for your children. There are resources available to help give your children the stability, security and close relationships with both parents that they need.
Parenting arrangements
After two parents separate or divorce, decisions have to be made about the children. This is done through a parenting arrangement that sets out the plan for the care of your children. The parenting arrangement or plan can be a legal agreement between you and the other parent or a court order, the terms of which are set out by a court when you and the other parent aren’t able to agree.
It’s important to have decision-making responsibility and parenting time set out by a legal agreement or court order. Without such a document, neither parent has any security or ability to enforce their parenting time and may have difficulty in using their decision-making responsibility.
A parenting agreement or order will set out the periods of time that the children will be in the care of each parent. The plan also includes arrangements for:
- where the children will live, and
- who will be responsible for making major decisions about issues, including where the children go to school, their medical care and religious education (if any).
You and the other parent may agree to make these decisions together, have them made by one parent, or divide different decisions between you.
Other day-to-day or emergency decisions are usually made by the parent who is with the children at the time.
The Public Legal Education and Information Service of New Brunswick (PLEIS-NB) is a go-to resource for anyone who is separating or divorcing with children. The organization offers a wide range of information about parenting after separation. For more information about your options, click here or call the toll-free Family Law Information Line at 1-888-236-2444.
How to make a parenting plan
Depending on the circumstances of the separation or divorce, the parenting plan can be made when:
- Both parents agree: You put the agreed plans for parenting the children in writing in a parenting agreement or include it in a separation agreement.
- Parents use mediation: Family mediators who are trained to help people settle disputes in an unbiased manner can help you and the other parent reach an agreement for the parenting plan.
- Parents ask the court to decide: If you cannot agree, you apply to the court and a judge will decide for you. The judge will issue a parenting order, which sets out the legal responsibilities, rights and obligations of the parents. You may wish to seek help from a lawyer to apply to court.
Creating a parenting agreement
If you and the other parent are able to communicate with one another about the plans for the children after you separate, an online guide to creating a parenting agreement may help you. An online guide from the Government of Canada can be found here and provides information about what issues you need to think about to create a plan and what must be in writing.
This tool is not meant to replace legal advice. If you use this, or any online guide to create a parenting agreement, it’s recommended you get advice from a lawyer and have them look over the document before you sign it. A lawyer can ensure it meets your needs and help explain all of its implications.
If you need help finding a lawyer:
- Word of mouth: Ask friends and family to recommend a lawyer who practises family law.
- Search online: Look for a family law lawyer in your area.
- Law Society of New Brunswick directory: Search for lawyers in your area and then Google them to find out if they practise family law. Click here for the law society.
If you need help and cannot afford a lawyer:
- Fredericton Legal Advice Clinic: can provide quick advice about a number of legal issues including parenting plans. There are four clinics per month: first and third Mondays, second Tuesday and the last Tuesday. During COVID times, you must make an appointment. Call 506-476-0024 during the work day.
- Family Advice Lawyer Service: A Family Advice Lawyer can explain how the court works, the rules of court, and the forms you must file in family law actions; or provide general information on family law matters. They cannot provide legal advice about a private agreement. Appointments are 1 – 2 hours depending on the nature of the matter. This service can be contacted through the Family Law Information Center in Moncton (if you live in Albert, Kent and Westmorland counties) at (506) 856-3131 or in Saint John (if you live in Charlotte, Kings and Saint John counties) at (506) 658-6361. If you live outside these two regions, you can contact the Family Advice Lawyer Service at 1-855-266-0266.
- New Brunswick Legal Aid Services Commission: an option if you financially qualify and need to go to court because you and the other parent cannot come to an agreement about the children.
Please note: Changes to the law in March of 2021 means that the terms “access” and “custody” are no longer used in Canadian law. For a summary of these and other changes around parenting arrangements in the Canadian Divorce Act and the New Brunswick Family Law Act, click here for a document from PLEIS.
Sources:
- Government of Canada: For information on parenting arrangements after divorce or separating, click here.
- PLEIS Publication, Parenting after Separation: Click here to access.
- PLEIS document on law changes. Click here for details.
How to help your kids through the process
There are ways you can guide your children through the transition that comes with divorce or separation. In your discussions with them about what’s happening, it’s important to emphasize:
- They didn’t cause their parents to separate.
- They don’t have to choose between their parents just because they don’t live together.
- While the family has changed, they’re still part of a family.
- Feelings of sadness or even anger are normal during these times.
- Finding someone they trust to talk to can be helpful.
- They’re not alone; many children go through this.
- While they may have friends whose parents have separated, everyone’s experience is different. Everyone is unique. Their thoughts and feelings are valuable.
- Their voice and opinion matters.
Source: Government of Canada booklet: What happens next? Information for kids about separation and divorce. Click here for more information.
Resources:
- Family Law NB (PLEIS-NB): Click here to access. Offers self-help guides and forms for individuals handling their own family law case.
- Family Law Advice Lawyer Service: Call 1-855-266-0266.
- Family Law Information Centres: Located at the courthouses in Moncton (145, Assumption Blvd.) and Saint John (10 Peel Plaza), and provides information about the court process for parenting after separation.
- Parent Information Program (formerly For the Sake of the Children): For a pamphlet on this free online parenting course for those going through separation or divorce, click here. For more details about the program and to access it, click here.
